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Bruce

The Mechanoid Reptiloid

Bruce has had a bad day! A really, really bad day.

It all started when he got out of his nest this morning and he found someone had stolen his pet locust, Ollie. He knew Ollie had been taken rather than just hopped off as the lock on his cage was broken and Bruce was certain it had been fine when he checked on Ollie last night. Ok, he knew that eventually Ollie would go the way of all his other pet locusts but he hadn’t yet got that juicy, well fed look that just couldn’t be resisted and frankly Bruce would quite missed the little chap. Once over that little drama and after making a note to go to the pet shop to buy another pet – might try mealworms this time, just for a change, Bruce set off for work.

On arrival he found that the office was closed. He checked his diary and no, it wasn’t the weekend so where was everyone? A burly looking security guard was eyeing him suspiciously from his little kiosk just inside the gate, so Bruce waved to him and shouted politely,

“Excuse me, where is everyone, what’s happened, why is the office closed?”

The security guard stroked his beard (well he was a bearded dragonoid!) glared and turned his back on Bruce. At this point Bruce, who was usually an even tempered Reptiloid, got a little miffed. He leaned through the railing and rapped on the glass of the security guard’s kiosk with his umbrella and repeated his questions; (although this time he didn’t start with excuse me which for Bruce was rather bold).

The security guard glared at Bruce from the safety of his kiosk, flung open the little window, causing a crack to appear in the bottom corner, and grunted,

“Dint you get the letter? They’ve shut up shop, gone bust, skedaddled; you ain’t got a job here no more. Must’ve got the letter. Sent last week it was. Now shove off!”

Bruce, being the Reptiloid he was, thanked the rather rude guard and wandered off not quite knowing what to do with himself. He needed his job, his wife was brooding, four eggs there were and they wouldn’t wait to hatch, there were things to buy, his wife had her eye on a lovely new basking lamp and matching rocks, what to do…?

As it was a lovely day, warm and humid, Bruce thought he would go for a little walk, buy himself a newspaper then sit and bask in the local park and look through the jobs section to see if there was anything available. If there was he could go straight there and offer his services, there must be lots of opportunities for a Reptiloid of his skills. Off he set, stopping at the local shop to pick up a newspaper and a long refreshing drink of spring water then settling himself on a log slightly in the shade as he was feeling a little warm and didn’t want to overheat. Bruce looked through the newspaper. How depressing he thought - job cuts, bills rising, crime on the increase, what was happening to the world, nothing but doom and gloom. Never mind he would concentrate on his own situation and let the others sort themselves out. He looked and looked through the job section, getting more and depressed. There seemed to be nothing for a Reptiloid of his talents. He would have to try the Job Centre.

Bruce looked at his watch and realised that he had been in the park for longer than he thought and it was fast approaching lunch time. “I wonder what my little Lizzie has packed for me today,” he thought as he reached into his bag. He took out his lunch box and peered inside. Mouse sandwiches with a Waxworm, black cricket, and mealworm dessert. Lovely! Just as he was about to bite into his sandwich a group of young geckoids entered the park. They were a rowdy bunch shouting and shoving each other as they came along the path, kicking the faux rocks over as they went. Bruce was not a coward (really - he wasn’t), but thought it best not to say anything and just to let them pass, after all there were six of them and only one of him, just sit quietly and enjoy his sandwich. He noticed as they drew level with him that some of them had piercings through their Mechanoid parts and had dyed their sensory fibres black. Oh dear Goth geckoids; some of them were known to be quite hostile, it had said so in the newspaper. Bruce kept his eyes on his sandwich and munched quietly hoping they would pass him by. However, as they passed one stopped, bent forward and looked at Bruce’s sandwich.

“Hey guys look, this old boy’s got a really tasty looking sarnie, think he’ll let us have a bite?” sneered the young Goth.

With that all twelve eyes (well eleven actually as one of them wore a purple eye patch) turned to regard both Bruce and his sandwich.

“Gis a bite mate,” said one, Bruce wasn’t sure if this was a male or female but politely declined to share his lunch and started to pack away the rest of it hoping he could get away before trouble started.

“What’s up wiv you then mate, too good for the like of us then are we?” One demanded belligerently.

Bruce tried to assure the youngsters that this wasn’t the case and then made to leave, but as he started to walk quickly away the group started after him.

“Come on mate, let’s do lunch, we don’t eat much honest!”

“Oooh mouse sarnies, my favourite.”

“Was that creepy crawly dessert I saw?”

The comments came thick and fast as the group surrounded Bruce, jostling him and pushing him this way and that. As soon as he saw an opening Bruce made a run for it dropping his umbrella as he went. His longer legs meant he soon out ran them and as he stopped to catch his breath Bruce looked around him. He had no idea where he was. He didn’t often come this way and unless he retraced his steps and went back to the park and the geckoids, he had no choice but to keep walking and hope he soon found a familiar landmark. He wandered for what seemed like hours, the area around him started to look less and less savoury. Litter was everywhere and there were broken windows in some of the nests around him, some even looked abandoned. He had never been across to this side of the park before and it was obvious that this was not a nice neighbourhood.

As Bruce hurried around a corner he walked straight into a Crocodiloid. Stammering and apologising Bruce looked up, and up, and up. This was the largest Reptiloid he had ever seen. Sporting scars and tattoos in abundance the Crocodiloid glared at Bruce and shoved him backwards.

“Watch where you’re going you…” and the Crocodiloid used some words that Bruce hadn’t heard before, raising his huge clawed fist. Bruce turned and tried to run but managed to step on his own tail and fell backwards, right into the arms of the Crocodiloid, who didn’t take too kindly to having Bruce plonked in his lap. He gave Bruce a shove then punched him! Bruce stood there for a while looking somewhat stunned then he slowly fell over, he lay looking up at the bright blue sky above him noting the clouds looked a little like an elephant, then the ache in his jaw registered. The Crocodiloid sniffed loudly wiping his snout on the back of his hand, said a few more words Bruce wasn’t sure he actually knew the meaning of and stumped off up the street. Bruce sat up gingerly feeling his snout, something was missing! He felt around for a while suddenly realising what it was that was missing, his left fang. Bruce was very proud of his fangs, he flossed and brushed regularly and they were fine examples and now one was missing. He looked down and there it was, lying forlornly on the dirty pavement. Bruce stooped to retrieve it and sighing he put it in his pocket. He felt for the other fang and stroked it, wondering if his dental plan covered the damage. Bruce set off again heading in the opposite direction to that of the Crocodiloid then retraced his steps to collect his bag which he had dropped when he fell: It was gone! Bruce sighed again and retraced his steps or at least he hoped he did, he thought he would go back to the park, the Geckoids would be gone by now surely, although the way his luck had gone today maybe not. Bruce trudged around for hours thinking every now and again this looks like the right road, then finding it wasn’t. It was starting to get dark when finally he saw the park in the distance. He hurried across rubbish strewn lanes and past abandoned nests, some with strange lights flickering inside. He ran across the park scattering grasshoppers as he went. Usually he would stop for a quick bite but he just wanted to get home to safety and security. His Lizzie would know what to do about his lack of a job, his missing fang, the bruise starting to appear and his now bloodshot eye. She would comfort him and tell him she loved him and all his troubles would fade away.

Finally he turned into the end of his lane home was just a few steps away, but wait, what was that? The car parked on his drive. Oh no this was worse than anything that had happened to Bruce today, he would have given up his job, he would gladly share his lunch with the geckoids, go toe to toe with the Crocodiloid, lose both his beautiful fangs and lay down to sleep in one of those strange abandoned nests but not this…

His mother in law had come to stay!!!

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